good one-liners
AU_BonGs
03-06-2005 20:21:53
lets see i have so many...................
lets start with an oldy but a goody..
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish Funeral..
One Less Drunk!! lol
post all your goodies here
AU_BonGs
03-06-2005 20:23:26
what is the difference between a cell phone and a tampon?
cell phones are for assholes.....I have one just a decent joke
AU_BonGs
03-06-2005 20:25:35
why dont they play play poker in africa?
too many chetah's
I bet you thoght that was racist joke comin didn't you?
thats 3 help me out here boys..........
Beertender
04-06-2005 10:05:58
Why are all negro's so quick?
The slow ones are allready in jail
Nr4 ^^
Rambozo
04-06-2005 12:28:12
I thought you said "GOOD" one liners.
These are fucking AWFUL!!! No Shit!
You got a pro comic in your clan what the fuck you uneducated peasants???
Bongs - you sniffing paint? Wifey fucked your intellect and your boy stick.
One liners shouldn't even have a reply they should just be one line that's fucken funny posed as either a hypothetical question (not requiring answer) or a bold statement. eg
You ever notice how burn victims stick together?
Are 257 shakes excessive?
or...
My girl only pretends to like rough sex so she can punch me in the face.
The other jokes, well, I've read as good on childrens cereal packets.
AU_tl
04-06-2005 13:24:41
rofl. pwned.
Ramby, give us more D.
TWC_Jups
04-06-2005 14:48:05
Why do girls fake orgasms?
Do i look like i care?
AU_BonGs
04-06-2005 20:28:43
well considering your jokes rambo....u need some work imo.....
but twc joke was pretty good... now lets continue
how can you tell if a pig is in heat...
she buys the first two rounds.
what do Germans use as birth control...
Their personalities.
now...give me some good ones rmbo and/or AU and friends!!!
Rambozo
04-06-2005 23:04:54
Dude, there are such things as timing and context.
"I've never met anyone who uses their personality as a contraceptive before" - to me, although the same joke, is a lot more intelligent and well aimed than the piece of shit you sprouted (though german personalities are contraceptive)
I give up even beginning to try educate here I'm talking to bumfuck idaho, where all non white/straight/conservative/male/christian etc is an inferior species and the natives tell such amazing jokes as
"what's your wifes favourite colour - Black and fucken blue"
"What do you call thousands of dead arab civilians - a start".
I don't gig for peasants, sorry.
Beertender
05-06-2005 02:58:31
[quotebc2a68276f]"What do you call thousands of dead arab civilians - a start". [/quotebc2a68276f]
Lolol good one ;) ^^
AU_BonGs
05-06-2005 10:35:13
[quotea57eaa2dc8="AU_Rambozo"]Dude, there are such things as timing and context.
"I've never met anyone who uses their personality as a contraceptive before" - to me, although the same joke, is a lot more intelligent and well aimed than the piece of shit you sprouted (though german personalities are contraceptive)
I give up even beginning to try educate here I'm talking to bumfuck idaho, where all non white/straight/conservative/male/christian etc is an inferior species and the natives tell such amazing jokes as
"what's your wifes favourite colour - Black and fucken blue"
"What do you call thousands of dead arab civilians - a start".
I don't gig for peasants, sorry.[/quotea57eaa2dc8]
those were some good ones!! lets have more!!!!
Rambozo
05-06-2005 12:55:37
Those were thought of in the time it took to complain about the other similar ones. Anyone can write shit like that, feel free.
I like offensive jokes but attacking woman/races/ethnicity/etc with such obvious jokes is so done to death it really is predictable and bores the crap outta me.
Here's a non one liner, my most recent, no-one the target but me.
When the 40 hour famine came round we'd all join up. It was an opportunity for us kids to get barley sugars and segments of orange regularly. People even gave us money. The famine wasn't difficult, no. It was getting by between famines that was the hard part.
Not Important!
05-06-2005 15:05:29
Why do niggers hate tylenol? - because they have to pick cotton to get to it.
_AFO_Georgie
07-06-2005 16:02:16
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
She's a woman.
AU_BonGs
07-06-2005 20:03:40
Why isn't asprin black?
Because it works
Why don't blacks take cruises?
They won't make the same mistake twice
How do you keep a black man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head
I am a member of the ACLU just so you all know. This is funny I don't care who you are.
AU_BonGs
07-06-2005 20:15:18
now to further insult my own ethnic background (see joke 1)
what is an irish 7 course meal?
a 6-pack and a potato
now my future wife's
how do you get a one-armed pollock out of a tree?
wave
now tl's kids...
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Wanna ride bikes? (Courtesy FHM May edition)
AU_BonGs
07-06-2005 20:18:03
Did you hear michael Jackson died of food poisoning?
He ate a 13 year old weiner
AU_BonGs
07-06-2005 20:24:11
here is two more....very bad ones but what the hey..
what do you get when you cross a mexican with a black?
someone who is too lazy to steal..
what is the difference between a jew and a pizza?
Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven..
Keep in mind fellas I really am not a bigot or a racist...whats funny is funny. Everything is funny when looked at the proper way....basically years after the horrible shit happened, and it didnt happen to me.
Beertender
08-06-2005 03:13:57
[quote2256f5aaff="AU_BonGs"]Did you hear michael Jackson died of food poisoning?
He ate a 13 year old weiner[/quote2256f5aaff]
Roooolf!!! lol
Rambozo
08-06-2005 14:58:44
Member of what? There's a whole organisation of morons running round? Rofl rofl loloololol D
I still say you could do better. Those jokes are predictable, find a curve, a decent surprise angle, maybe even something requiring some intellect....
AU_BonGs
08-06-2005 20:31:56
[quote3126d87f48="AU_Rambozo"]Member of what? There's a whole organisation of morons running round? Rofl rofl loloololol D
I still say you could do better. Those jokes are predictable, find a curve, a decent surprise angle, maybe even something requiring some intellect....[/quote3126d87f48]
You wouldn't understand the idea behind the ACLU is to defend the bill of rights (firts ten ammendments to the US constitution). You see in America we don't have queens calling our shots...we have elected kings!
Diveloperz
08-06-2005 21:59:09
Aye, that be right. Not just the BoR, but the constitution as a whole and the civil liberties it seeks to protect.
Rambozo
08-06-2005 22:04:04
"We have elected kings"
Well, that's complete horseshit. You have corporate backed muppets and believing it's otherwise don't make it untrue.
The problem with one vote per person is so many STUPID FUCKS exist. Give top ten percentile in intellect 3 votes, 10 - 50% 1 vote. Anyone below average intellect shouldn't even vote they should shut the fuck up. And as for who we're voting for, they shouldn't even be allowed to run if they aren't proven to be intelligent, articulate and extremely well educated in World affairs.
Pay them like they should be paid, for top jobs in world. But only available for most qualified in world...
At the moment we have idiots making our most important decisions. Fuck the constitution, stop the idiot vote!
Diveloperz
08-06-2005 22:42:19
There's a problem with your system, too. If we allow only the well-educated and well-informed to run and vote, we're only representing a fraction of the population. A democratic nation seeks to represent the people as a whole.
Beertender
09-06-2005 07:21:41
[quote78cebf24dc="AU_Rambozo"]"We have elected kings"
Well, that's complete horseshit. You have corporate backed muppets and believing it's otherwise don't make it untrue.
The problem with one vote per person is so many STUPID FUCKS exist. Give top ten percentile in intellect 3 votes, 10 - 50% 1 vote. Anyone below average intellect shouldn't even vote they should shut the fuck up. And as for who we're voting for, they shouldn't even be allowed to run if they aren't proven to be intelligent, articulate and extremely well educated in World affairs.
Pay them like they should be paid, for top jobs in world. But only available for most qualified in world...
At the moment we have idiots making our most important decisions. Fuck the constitution, stop the idiot vote![/quote78cebf24dc]
Ehm... Yeah, only the smart people in the world should vote, hmm i think we had that system a very long time ago... I remember also that it caused revolutions... Oh yeah those things in which many people die, both rich and poor.
Trust me take away the right to vote from citizens and there WILL be a revolution, the economy will die to it, who wants to pay taxes when they don't even get a choice to decide what is going to happen with there money, money they worked hard for?
Rambozo
09-06-2005 13:39:23
Since when have you had any input as to what your taxes are spent on? Dreamer....
Give plebs 1/2 a vote then. My point is the average 'dumb fuck' doesn't know anything of the world outside of his own town and his needs are food/shelter/clothing and then add a bit of pocket money you got yourself one happy moron.
Without meeting peoples basic needs yes, you got trouble, ie revolution.
It isn't a lack of vote that makes people revolutionaries, it's the inabilty to provide themselves and their families with basic neccessities. Add to this the stifling of ideals/beliefs and you got BIG trouble.
No system is foolproof, but a system that is mostly run by fools is what we have presently in democratic countries.
I'd love to see us actually vote a selection committee in whos job it is to determine the most qualified in the country for running the show. No more morons in power D
Diveloperz
09-06-2005 13:44:27
The average "dumb fuck" as you describe him wouldn't vote if he could.
Rambozo
09-06-2005 14:00:14
read your statement again, now again, that's it, found any sense there yet, maybe try again...
didn't think so.
Diveloperz
09-06-2005 14:32:32
If I'm living in a rural area and struggling to make a living off of cash crops, I'm not going to take the day off to drive my (ghetto on wheels) to the voting booth in city and vote for someone I've never heard of.
AU_BonGs
09-06-2005 15:53:00
ok you guys are off topic let me reel you back in...
what is teh difference between a bucket of shit and a Mexican?
The bucket.
Why don't italians drown?
Grease Floats.
How do you seperate the men from the boys in the greek navy?
With a crobar.
AU_BonGs
09-06-2005 15:57:48
another shot on my ethnicity...
how many irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2,
1 to hold the bulb the other to get so drunk the room spins.
What do you call a black guy in a porche?
Theif.
What do you call a black guy in a suit?
Defendant.
Why don'ty yopu want to run over a black guy on a bike?
Because it is your bike.
Why is asprin white?
Because it works.
The last 4 are from [u145ea90cff]Truly Tasteless Jokes[/u145ea90cff]
AU_BonGs
09-06-2005 15:58:42
why is Mike Tysons Eyes red after sex?
From the mace.
Diveloperz
09-06-2005 16:24:21
What do you call a sinking ship full of lawyers? A good start.
What do you call a hundred lawyers buried up to their necks in sand? Not enough sand.
...
What do you call a hundred people running down a hill? Marithon.
What do you call a hundred blacks running down a hill? Mud slide.
What do you call a hundred Mexicans running down a hill? Jail break.
...
How do blacks grow on trees? They don't, they just hang on them.
...
Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
Rambozo
09-06-2005 23:33:05
Tyson & mace - that's good rolf!
AU_BonGs
25-06-2005 09:09:43
whats the difference between an **itallian** and a bucket of shit?
the bucket
**insert any group of people or even an individual here**
AU_BonGs
25-06-2005 09:15:01
whats black and comes in little white cans?
michael jackson
AU_BonGs
08-08-2005 15:32:34
[quote090942de95="AU_BonGs"]whats black and comes in little white cans?
michael jackson[/quote090942de95]
cant believe i got no responce to this one anyway here are some more courtesy FHM a brilliant magazine...
What does eggs bennedict and blowjobs have in common?
they are both something you will never get at home.
What do you call a girl that runs faster than her brother in Mississippi?
A virgin
AU_BonGs
08-08-2005 18:07:02
shock
AU_tl
08-08-2005 19:58:07
FHM = soft core porn and bad jokes. Still funny bad jokes though. The porn tho just leaves you wanting more shock .
AU_BonGs
08-08-2005 20:56:45
what porn??? there is no nudity in fhm...just good humor and scantily clad chicks.
_AFO_Georgie
14-08-2005 23:10:35
[quote788c2d3607="AU_tl"]FHM = soft core porn shock .[/quote788c2d3607]
How is that not scantily clad women?
Rambozo
15-08-2005 00:49:21
Bongs idea of soft core porn is no money shots.
AU_BonGs
15-08-2005 13:12:45
i thought that was everybody's idea???? Women in Bikini's isnt soft core porn. Unless you think going to the beach is "dirty"
kolipo
16-08-2005 00:37:52
what do u call mexicans swimming in a pool? bean dip
what do apples and blacks have in comon? they both look pretty hangin on a tree
whats the difference between michael jackson and pimples? pimples wait til you're twelve to come on your face
Fux0r
16-08-2005 12:09:12
[quotebae27e7fb5="kolipo"]what do u call mexicans swimming in a pool? bean dip
what do apples and blacks have in comon? they both look pretty hangin on a tree
whats the difference between michael jackson and pimples? pimples wait til you're twelve to come on your face[/quotebae27e7fb5]
LOL!!
AU_BonGs
16-08-2005 19:48:59
What does Payless Shoe stores and the US postal service have in common?
They both have 400,000 black loafers.
kolipo
17-08-2005 01:04:08
k this is funny simple because it was from a CHILDS joke book.
whats black and white and red all over? a slaughtered zebra
[ElitE]_RuNe
17-08-2005 04:40:11
rofl
Rambozo
17-08-2005 12:44:26
What's a foot long, stiff, and really makes women scream?
Cot Death.
AU_BonGs
17-08-2005 19:20:41
now i am worldly man (OK I am a sick fucker) but i never heard of Cot Death b4...care to elaborate?
AU_BonGs
17-08-2005 19:22:18
nm...lol i looked it up u meant SIDS for us americans.
Stumpy_
18-08-2005 14:30:18
loooooool good one ^_^